FFS here we go again...
- gemmateamyou
- Nov 6
- 4 min read
By Gemma Hall,
The Relationship Coach
How to support your child through meltdowns without losing your mind (or your patience)
Sunday night. School starts again tomorrow. Uniforms ready. Bags packed. Lunches made. And then... meltdown.
My daughter, who’s usually confident and easy-going, broke down in tears about going back to school. The reason? One particular teacher.
She’s just started secondary school, and suddenly this confident kid doesn’t want to go. Cue tears, panic, and a full emotional spiral.
And there I am, standing in the hallway, mid-pyjama change, thinking, : “I literally teach this stuff (and FFS I just want to catch up on Traitors!)”
The Parenting Paradox: Knowing what to do vs. doing it
This is the ultimate Parenting Paradox, you know the theory but still get completely swept up in the drama.
Because it’s not about being perfect. It’s about recognising what’s happening and reaching into your toolkit when things get tough.
That night, we talked, we laughed. We imagined putting on an invisible “Teflon suit” (a way to stop the teachers words sticking to her).
No quick fixes, just connection and conversation.
What’s really happening when kids melt down
When a child is anxious, angry, or overwhelmed, they’re not being “difficult.” They’re dysregulated. Their brain is stuck in survival mode.
Obviously you want to calm them down, but that starts with helping them feel safe. To do that, well we need to avoid our own emotional meltdown (even when we’re dying inside).
It’s also about noticing our own place in the Drama Triangle:
Are we stepping in as the hero?
Are we blaming the villain (the teacher, the ex, the system)?
Are we feeling like the victim of our own parenting chaos?
We’ve all been there. But rescuing too quickly can send the wrong message; that our child can’t handle it themselves.
Raising resilient kids without rescuing
Here is where gentle parenting gets a bad rap.
Because when we rush to fix everything, we take away their chance to learn how to fix it themselves.
I can’t change the teacher, I can’t sit beside her in class. But I can help her build confidence, communication, and resilience.
That’s what emotional resilience really means, not a child who never struggles, but one who knows how to handle struggle when it comes (which it will).
I think it is important to remember that we aren't raising children to be children. We are raising them to be adults. They will have difficult conversations, uncomfortable feelings, conflict, bad relationships, heartbreak and bullies. So let's teach them how to do it as kids, so it's easier when they have to deal with it as adults.
What to say when your child is spiralling
If you’re facing a similar situation, try this:
Breathe. Start by slowing down your breathing and encouraging them to do the same.
Listen first. Let them vent without jumping to solutions.
Validate their feelings. “That sounds really hard” goes further than you think.
Ask what they’d like to do next. Help them problem-solve with you, not wait for you to fix it. If they say "I don't know" don't jump in, give them more prompts like "well if you had a magic wand" or "If there was just one small thing you could change what would it be" they may not come up with a perfect, or even realistic, solution but it gets them thinking and allows the conversation to move forward.
Encourage advocacy. Try not to rush in with "Do you want me to..." encourage them to take the lead (they are capably of more than you think) and it’s about teaching ownership.
If you forget all of the above and join them in the meltdown, that's ok. You are learning too. Sometimes the first step is just being aware of where we want to do better.
The real lesson
Parenting isn’t about perfection, it’s about preparation. We can’t bubble-wrap them from the world, but we can teach them how to stand tall in it.
And that starts with communication, and as you know: actions speak louder than words.
If they see biting your tongue, rolling your eyes, putting everyone else first... guess what they are going to do!
Join my free workshop
If you ever feel like your home turns into a full-blown Drama Triangle before breakfast, this is for you.
Join me for my free online workshop, Sunday 16 November 2025 at 8pm:
“raising emotionally intelligent kids (and staying sane while doing it)”
You’ll learn:
How to respond instead of react when emotions run high
What to say when your child shuts down or lashes out
How to model calm, confident communication (without being a doormat or dictator)
👉 Reserve your free spot now because your kids don’t need a perfect parent, just one with the right tools.
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© Gemma Hall The Relationship Coach (who doesn't work with couples), TeamYOU Coaching. All rights reserved. All blog articles, email newsletters, and related written content published on this website and distributed via email are the intellectual property of TeamYOU Coaching. Unauthorised reproduction, distribution, or use of any content without explicit written permission is strictly prohibited.
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