Is there really any such thing as a good divorce?
- gemmateamyou
- Nov 10
- 4 min read
By Gemma Hall,
The Relationship Coach (who doesn't work with couples!)
If you’re reading this, chances are your heart’s a little heavy. Maybe you’re considering divorce, maybe you’re already knee-deep in it, or maybe you’re trying to figure out how to co-parent with someone who once promised you forever.
This Good Divorce week, I was invited by Fisher Jones Greenwood Solicitors to share my three top tips for parents navigating divorce, because despite what people think, a “good divorce” isn’t about being friends. It’s about being functional, self-aware, and kind, especially when children are involved.
Here’s what I shared in my video series with FJG, and what every parent needs to know when emotions are high and the future feels uncertain.
1. Deal with your emotional pain outside of the good divorce
Let’s get one thing straight: your solicitor is not your therapist.
The no-fault divorce system means there’s no legal space for blame. So if you’ve been betrayed, blindsided or heartbroken, that pain won’t be reflected in the paperwork, and trying to fight for emotional justice through the legal system will only prolong your pain (and your bills).
When you don’t process your emotions, you end up trying to do it through the legal or financial process. That’s when you start arguing over furniture, timings, or text wording, not because those things are the most important thing, but because you're hurting and looking for control.
The healthiest thing you can do is to find a safe place to feel, whether that is therapy, coaching, trusted friends, or even journalling (obviously my vote goes to coaching that is forward focused, and action driven!). Get the anger out, but not through your solicitor.
Because every decision made from pain costs more; emotionally, mentally, and financially.
When you start making decisions from calm instead of chaos, you’ll move forward faster, with far less regret.
2. Your kids are 100% loveable, and they know they’re 50% of each of you!
One of the biggest mistakes I see parents make (even the most loving ones) is forgetting that children identify with both parents.
If you say, “Your dad’s so selfish,” or “Your mum’s impossible,” your child hears, “Half of me is selfish. Half of me is impossible.”
That’s why the way you speak about your ex, even when they’re not around, matters. Children are emotional sponges; they absorb not only your words but your tone, your sighs, and your silence.
I’m not saying you have to pretend your ex is a saint. But you can acknowledge reality without poisoning loyalty. For example, “Dad and I see things differently, but we both love you,” is far more powerful than “Ask your father, I’m done.”
Protecting your child’s right to love both parents freely is one of the most emotionally mature things you can do. It tells them, you’re safe, you’re loved, and you don’t have to choose.
3. Your relationship with your ex is a permanent one
I know, this one stings. But it’s true: you can divorce your partner, you can’t divorce your co-parent.
This relationship doesn’t end when your child turns 18 (no matter what instagram tells you!). You’ll cross paths at graduations, birthdays, weddings, and maybe even as grandparents. The version of yourself you’re becoming now will determine whether those moments are calm or chaotic, joyful or awkward. They may even determine whether you get an invite! Your child will become an adult and your choices now might influence whether they decide to have an 'everyone's invited' wedding, or simply elope.
Doing “the work” on this relationship isn’t about forgiveness or friendship, it’s about emotional maturity. It’s choosing dignity over drama. It’s deciding that you won’t make your child’s milestones about your discomfort.
Even if communication is tough right now, small steps matter. Keep messages factual, not emotional. Use apps like OurFamilyWizard if it helps reduce friction. And remember: you don’t need to like your ex to be respectful, you just need to manage yourself.
When your children see you handle conflict with grace, they learn that endings don’t have to destroy, they can transform, and what a gift that is.
Ready to figure out what you want next?
So if you’re here because you are wondering what divorce could look like, because your heart is heavy and your head is full of 'what if's' then maybe you need to realise the power you have, the power of one decision.
That’s why I created The Power of One, my six-week online course designed to help women just like you find your voice, rebuild confidence, and decide what’s next for you.
You’ll explore your values, your needs, your boundaries, and your vision for the life you actually want, whether that means staying and rebuilding or leaving and creating something new.
Because I’m not pro-divorce.I’m pro-healthy relationships, no matter what the status.
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