by Gemma Hall, Heartbreak & Trauma Recovery Coach
I suppose we should start at the beginning, by which I mean before "the end".
When you are facing a crossroad in your relationship it is scary. You're questioning whether to stay, even though you know you're not happy, or do you walk away from everything you know. It's a tough call, and I'm sorry to say there's no easy answer. But as a heartbreak and trauma coach, who's been in your shoes, I can offer some honest advice.
First things first, understand why you're here. Is it a lack of communication? Trust issues? Infidelity? Or perhaps it's just that spark you once felt has fizzled out. Whatever the reason, it's important to be honest with yourself about what's really going on. Then you can make a plan on how to address the root cause before you make a decision.
Now, let's talk about the "should I stay" side of things. I believe you want to know, without doubt, that you've done your best. That is why I'm a believe in exploring both sides of your mindset. You can't change your partner's behaviour but you can reflect on your own and decide if you are acting in a way that feels good and right. You can also communicate. Have you had an open and honest conversation about your feelings? Sometimes, with effort and commitment, relationships can be repaired and even come back stronger, even after an affair.
But let's also be realistic. If you've tried everything and things just aren't improving, it might be time to consider moving on. Staying in a toxic or unhappy relationship can have a significant negative impact on your mental and emotional health as well as that of your children. Thinking about what you want to role model to your kids and definitely help in your decision making.
Remember, you're not alone. Millions of people go through breakups every year. It's a painful experience, but it's also a chance to start fresh and build a better life for yourself. As the saying goes, "short term pain, long term gain".
So, what should you do? Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. But I encourage you to trust your gut and prioritise your own happiness. Find a safe, non judgemental person that you can share your fears and work through your options. This could be a Heartbreak Coach or a trusted friend. By exploring your options and gaining clarity on your choices you might find the decision becomes clearer. Or by understanding that you COULD leave you feel more comfortable staying.
The bottom line is that google, your best friend, your Mum and me, we don't have the answer, that is only yours to make. It can feel like it is just too big a step, too big a decision, so break it down by first finding the facts. One step at a time.
Need more support? Book a free discovery call with me and we can chat about how I can support you in making a decision that you are confident in. I can provide you with the tools and strategies you need to heal and move forward. As my client Jo once said at the end of a session "this isn't what I would have chosen but it's my one and only life and I'm going to make sure I enjoy it!"
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